some thoughts... a bit on the reality side of it all.
I can't believe two weeks flew by so quickly. I can still remember the first day being home and remembering how much I missed the people in Riverside. I still miss them and am SO excited to see them again, but at the same time I feel guilty. While this time being home was relaxing, it also made me realize how much I have to grow up and the many things that are to come my way. There's just so much that I have to do (respondsiblities so to speak). I know that there will always be the young, kid-like me. That'll always exist, no doubt. But I can also slowly feel that peeling away. I don't mind growing up, I actually look forward to it. I'm just worried about growing into the type of person I expect myself to be. At times, I look around and I realize all the wonderful things I possess and I can't help but feel that I have done no work to deserve all this. Am I the person that will appreciate and repay all the goodness I have? I hope I can learn to appreciate the things and the love that I was given and to pay it all back, somehow ...
The expectations I have for myself, hopefully will be something that'll motivate me and help me stay on track. I feel that these two weeks have motivated me to become a better person - not just being a "nice" person, but rather be a better person overall - one with a sense of obligation, respondsiblity, upright, and so forth. I know it may sound really cheesy and I know some people may laugh at the goals I set for myself. I don't mind... Because I know deep down, if I don't learn or develop what I need to right here and now, I may never obatin these characteristics.
To be molded, to be tested, to be trained -- I'm looking forward to it.
Another thing on my mind ...
Recently I've been pondering about the words I speak. I've never been questioned much about whether I mean the words I speak. Maybe many people think about the truth of the words I speak, they just don't question me about it, or at least not to my face. Sometimes, I can't seem to control the words I speak. I tend to sweeten and add alot of flavor to the words that come out of my mouth. It doesn't mean that I don't mean the words I say! (I DO) ... It's just that by adding the flavors, I intensify and amplify it. I may not exactly feel the intensity but I may speak it. Does that equal vanity of words as well? Sometimes I don't think I grasp the balance of the words I speak and the emotions I feel in my heart well.
Usually after a long day, I then question myself about the sincerity and honesty of the words I speak.
It's so complicated. I want to be less complicated -- simple.
My decision after much thought is that, I'm going to only speak when I truly mean it. It's going to take alot of effort because as most of my friends know, I exaggerate alot. It's gonna take some self-control and some more thought process.
It's weird, I never realized that it would be something I want to change about myself. I use to like this about myself -- but I guess learning to tame the tongue is also part of growing up.
The expectations I have for myself, hopefully will be something that'll motivate me and help me stay on track. I feel that these two weeks have motivated me to become a better person - not just being a "nice" person, but rather be a better person overall - one with a sense of obligation, respondsiblity, upright, and so forth. I know it may sound really cheesy and I know some people may laugh at the goals I set for myself. I don't mind... Because I know deep down, if I don't learn or develop what I need to right here and now, I may never obatin these characteristics.
To be molded, to be tested, to be trained -- I'm looking forward to it.
Another thing on my mind ...
Recently I've been pondering about the words I speak. I've never been questioned much about whether I mean the words I speak. Maybe many people think about the truth of the words I speak, they just don't question me about it, or at least not to my face. Sometimes, I can't seem to control the words I speak. I tend to sweeten and add alot of flavor to the words that come out of my mouth. It doesn't mean that I don't mean the words I say! (I DO) ... It's just that by adding the flavors, I intensify and amplify it. I may not exactly feel the intensity but I may speak it. Does that equal vanity of words as well? Sometimes I don't think I grasp the balance of the words I speak and the emotions I feel in my heart well.
Usually after a long day, I then question myself about the sincerity and honesty of the words I speak.
It's so complicated. I want to be less complicated -- simple.
My decision after much thought is that, I'm going to only speak when I truly mean it. It's going to take alot of effort because as most of my friends know, I exaggerate alot. It's gonna take some self-control and some more thought process.
It's weird, I never realized that it would be something I want to change about myself. I use to like this about myself -- but I guess learning to tame the tongue is also part of growing up.
posted by a.h at
2:37 AM
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